The questions asked to the answer known.

She sits on the couch confused, scared, anxiously scared.

She doesn’t know what to do.

She believes, yet she lacks confidence.

Yet there is a piece of confidence hanging to her, clinging to her,

She doesn’t believe.

 

She thinks to herself,

Is it her fault, that she is herself.

Is it her fault that she likes who she is.

Is it her fault that nobody understands who she is?

Is her fault that no one wants explore deep anymore?

 

As days pass by , As her years add up,

Her faith diminishes.

 

She questions herself,

why am I scared?

why do my heart feels heavy and hurt?

why do my eyes keeps getting emotional when I want to be strong?

Why do I keep doubting myself instead of destroying that doubt?

Why am not building myself up but tearing apart?

 

she asks herself,

Am I really what people see me as?

 

Is it really their fault or mine?

she asks.

 

I do have the answer,

I do know why I feel the way I feel,

Yet its hard to block it out,

Their thoughts and mine.

 

With the questions and answers known,

She carries on.

 

-vantsy105

 

 

I turn a day and a year older.

Today I turn a day and a year older..

19.. I could’ve done a lot in 19 years. Well I did a lot,We all did.

Like learning to take the first step, like learning to talk your first word.

To handling our environment, to be able to strengthen our head and heart.

we have a long..long..long way to go.

Current mood status:

What?!

Current mind state:

Love confidence. Confidence is love.

-Vantsy105

2 months, is it?

Hello people!

 

So, here I am lying down, scrolling through Instagram,hot air blowing on my face. I stumbled upon a site, which led me to a blog post and then there I saw that Its been 2 months since I last updated. 

And here’s why,

I had my college timing extended with only Sunday being a holiday and a dozen of assignments and projects to submit in not more than 2 weeks. Then, with no delay I finished my semester exam, which seemed to never end and where I found myself for the first time, feeling  very lazy about the writing part of the exams. But also, the usual procrastinator in me grew stronger almost- just almost engulfing fully, as I studied/ scanned through the night before (10:30pm- 12:00) and on the way to my college (if I get a place to sit).

Now, I am in my home town, trying not to melt. It is very hot people. To be precise, it is always above 102•F. And also I don’t have much of a Internet connection or a big screen the work on. 

I am thinking about doing some dIYs ( Do-It-Yourself) and a bunch of covers. 

Let me be productive and also have fun this summer, as I may be doing something next summer. You ask why? Because it’s my final year of this course( but I still feel like I am 9 years old)

  • vantsy105

 

Overcoming procrastination (college version).

hi world!

what have I been doing you ask?

well, my internet exams which was a week long finished last week and now I am putting together 2 projects together to submit on Monday. And I have another two project to submit the next Monday and then some more tests and again a project.

Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed . But what am i doing – procrastinating.

I am starting to understand why I do this, the procrastination .

Too much work. So don’t start, My brain says.

Now as my brain understands why my brain does this, I can tell myself to just start.

JUST START!!

(remember the friends series where chandler and Monica weds. Similar to that)

Don’t think about it. Just start. Small things.

Small thing+small thing+….. = Finished product.

That seems simple enough right?

lets start!

vantsy105

 

 

JAN 4th – status

My college starts tomorrow after the holidays… which went by in a blink.

I have a lot.. I mean a LOT of work, projects and assignments to complete.

…Oh….

Now I am sharing this, instead of starting anything.

Okay.. let me start with statistics then…

Have a great day!!

-VANTSY105

New year!!!!!

Happy new year everybody!!!

so, recapping last year, first, I used a lot of ‘sometimes’ in what ever I wrote. second, my posts were random (meaning- me being lazy and procrastinating ) which leads to the third, I did not cope with the new subjects well( ’cause you know, I did not like them, at all) .

And then, there was me searching and seeing videos about illuminati, nostradamus etc and stuff, which I was paranoid about, for a week.( too MUCH information ).

At the end of the year, there was flood. I was in an emotional roller coster. I realised how we ‘college students’ were so naive and know so little about what is happening. ( hey, I don’t claim to know everything, infact I too am naive) but I’d like to think they would more be curious or be more thorough with what they hear or see and maybe try to put some energy to understand at least their own ‘friends’.

Oh well, so this year there are gonna be regular posts. maybe not about me, over thinking and writing about it. But some fun ones too.

lets have a great year of grow and happiness people!!

(I use ‘maybe’ a lot too)

p.s. This semester is a toughy.(I know its not a word)

-VANTSY105

If you must love me..

I don’t read a lot of poems… ( like not at all). but when   I read this, the one below, it is all the things that I’d say/feel when it comes to love.Be it your family or friends. And the back story behind this poem makes it even more special.

Such beauty, in these words.

Much love, in this sonnet.


If thou must love me.


If thou must love me, let it be for nought

Except for love’s sake only. Do not say,

“I love her for her smile—her look—her way

Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day”—

For these things in themselves, Belovèd, may

Be changed, or change for thee—and love, so wrought,

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for

Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry:

A creature might forget to weep, who bore

Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!

But love me for love’s sake, that evermore

Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning.