Love? Think Twice.

What ever you think love is

That is not love.

 

Love is something that makes you care about them

And doesn’t let their feelings go unchecked.

 

Love is when you feel their pain and try desperate things, even small,

To ease them.

 

Love is when you hurt them so much in the name of ‘caring’,

But they still ‘love’ you .

 

Love is when they know they love you and you can feel it too.

 

 

But don’t ever, in the name of love, be a monster

Ripping their hearts out from time to time

When they desperately try to keep it together

To patch it back, and pretend their heart is healthy and have always been healthy

 

Don’t.

Even if you gave that heart,

It is not yours and you will never feel the pricks or slashes.

 

 

 

 

Wait What?!

Wait what?!, is me questioning myself –

Did I really complete 3 years of UnderGraduate ..?

In just 7 days I am officially not gonna be a teenager anymore?

Am I supposed to know what I am gonna do next ..?

Wait What?!

My heart screams… NOooooo….

Remember when people told you to not fuss over things when you are in school because you get holidays.. summer vacations and all of your other works done for you…

well, I should have listened.

I cannot not worry about the summer vacation less years and feeling lost when I should have some sense on what anything is..

It is really an awkward place to be in …. cause suddenly you don’t have any title to go by and answer the daunting question of what do you do..

…………..

confused mind = confused thoughts = not really a post..

Wait What?!

 

 

I won’t stand in your line.

This is how it is done,

this is how it is supposed to be done,

you are supposed walk straight, turn left, run up,

then jump to make it to the other side,

that is how you are supposed to live your life.

 

If not, oh well, we will ridicule you until you stand in the line.

 

No, Thank you, I can find my own way,

I don’t want to jump but maybe fly out from the top of the mountains.

I don’t want to and I won’t stand in a line which never moves,

I want to make my own line.

I maybe be ridiculed, left out, made fun of,

I am willing to be named stupid,

but I refuse to bow my head and stand in THE queue.

 

How to make your heart stronger?

Have you ever felt that when you feel pretty good about yourself, there is always that someone who just tells you otherwise?

Cause I am pretty sure about me, even though I am completely lost about what’s next.

That I’ll figure it out.

But some people who are worried or just in general have a general perception, even though they have not worked with you or in fact not even talked to you more than a minute,

when they think they know what you in general can do and what you can’t.

They made me doubt everything.

sometimes its hurtful that the ones close to, doesn’t necessarily believe or even more, mock you so.

It makes you doubt yourself and it made ‘me’ angry, to be honest.

But after all that when you come to a stage where you realise that it is “their” perception and “their” view and takes, we are no longer affected by it.

I don’t have to expect every one to understand what I say.

Maybe it will take time or maybe when I keep doing what I do, they would eventually have ‘faith’ in me.

Its not their fault or mine.

It takes time for you to love what you are and your heart to grow, You don’t want the others to take those new grown pieces away.

You don’t need to grow new pieces back but focus on making your heart stronger, which happens when you don’t let people take those pieces.  It is you who lets them.

Happiness and fulfilment lies within us.

-Vantsy105

ALlways smile 🙂

The memories that made us.

 

Remember.

 

Remember the better.

To recall and cherish,

The time you couldn’t stop laughing

Couldn’t stop smiling.

When your mind lighted up with happiness and love.

 

Remember the less than better

To recall and learn,

The time you couldn’t stop hurting

Couldn’t stop feeling lost.

When your mind churned with emotions and confusion.

 

If you’re turning 16 or 60,

Remember to not forget

the better and less better,

 

For  all the good and bad makes up our life,

Makes up us.

Changing our attitude and perception,

The thing we call learning and growing up.

 

At  the start or the end of the day,

That is all we have,

The memories that made us,

The memories to Remember .

 

 

ALlways love.

-Vantsy105

 

 

 

 

Should I know?

Its been too long…

117 days to be exact!! , since I last posted.

Time rockets!

As usual ‘the exciting’,  classes, assignments and tests.

Even though I am supposed to know what to do next, being in the final year of college and all, I still got nothing. Nada.

I thought I would know by this time, I had a better “plan” in my first year.

so, what am I going to do, You ask…

well, I am going to paint…

I mean, I am not going to decide now, I can keep my options open and see what comes .

Let me know, do you have/had any idea on what might interest you?

Be patient. ALLways Smile.

-Vantsy105

The questions asked to the answer known.

She sits on the couch confused, scared, anxiously scared.

She doesn’t know what to do.

She believes, yet she lacks confidence.

Yet there is a piece of confidence hanging to her, clinging to her,

She doesn’t believe.

 

She thinks to herself,

Is it her fault, that she is herself.

Is it her fault that she likes who she is.

Is it her fault that nobody understands who she is?

Is her fault that no one wants explore deep anymore?

 

As days pass by , As her years add up,

Her faith diminishes.

 

She questions herself,

why am I scared?

why do my heart feels heavy and hurt?

why do my eyes keeps getting emotional when I want to be strong?

Why do I keep doubting myself instead of destroying that doubt?

Why am not building myself up but tearing apart?

 

she asks herself,

Am I really what people see me as?

 

Is it really their fault or mine?

she asks.

 

I do have the answer,

I do know why I feel the way I feel,

Yet its hard to block it out,

Their thoughts and mine.

 

With the questions and answers known,

She carries on.

 

-vantsy105

 

 

I turn a day and a year older.

Today I turn a day and a year older..

19.. I could’ve done a lot in 19 years. Well I did a lot,We all did.

Like learning to take the first step, like learning to talk your first word.

To handling our environment, to be able to strengthen our head and heart.

we have a long..long..long way to go.

Current mood status:

What?!

Current mind state:

Love confidence. Confidence is love.

-Vantsy105

2 months, is it?

Hello people!

 

So, here I am lying down, scrolling through Instagram,hot air blowing on my face. I stumbled upon a site, which led me to a blog post and then there I saw that Its been 2 months since I last updated. 

And here’s why,

I had my college timing extended with only Sunday being a holiday and a dozen of assignments and projects to submit in not more than 2 weeks. Then, with no delay I finished my semester exam, which seemed to never end and where I found myself for the first time, feeling  very lazy about the writing part of the exams. But also, the usual procrastinator in me grew stronger almost- just almost engulfing fully, as I studied/ scanned through the night before (10:30pm- 12:00) and on the way to my college (if I get a place to sit).

Now, I am in my home town, trying not to melt. It is very hot people. To be precise, it is always above 102•F. And also I don’t have much of a Internet connection or a big screen the work on. 

I am thinking about doing some dIYs ( Do-It-Yourself) and a bunch of covers. 

Let me be productive and also have fun this summer, as I may be doing something next summer. You ask why? Because it’s my final year of this course( but I still feel like I am 9 years old)

  • vantsy105